My place. To be…Me

Music of the Moment: City and Colour – We Found Each Other in the Dark

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I really cannot believe that it has been over one month since my last real blog posting. What the hell BJ, cut the crap. I feel that the reason that I haven’t been able to is because everything has been so up and down lately. I cannot even explain it really, but it just seems as if life is taking me on a course that is never consistently flat, but rather consistently going up and down. I don’t get it, and I doubt that I’ll ever understand it, but I just wish that for one moment I could sit and not have to worry about something, or even keep the excitement of one event for more than a few hours.

It’s so nice to be able to write and not  have to worry about all the proper formatting for my writing jobs. Maybe that’s a good place to start, my jobs. I currently write for Walyou.com and Xboxfreedom.com, and I also have recently started working at Gamestop. Now, anyone that knows me knows that working at Gamestop is far too exciting for me, and in reality I find it hard to contain myself at times. Just yesterday, I found myself closely watching the clock as it ticked closer and closer to 4 PM, the time that I was scheduled to work at Gamestop. I love my job. I really do.

As for Walyou and Xboxfreedom, I love doing these as well, but I wish I could do anything to receive more for each article. Compared to…well, all of the people I know that are freelance writing, I am (by far) making the least, and it’s only because these sites are so new. The problem is that I am torn between more pay and doing what I love. I absolutely adore writing these Xbox articles, as this is something I have a passion for and completely enjoy doing. The same goes for Walyou, whose tech side always keeps me interested (even if I can never get an article topic approved… I hate being in a completely different timezone than everyone else who writes…). It’s such a tough topic for me, but for now I am sticking with it. Hopefully I start to receive more hours at Gamestop as well, because right now I only have eight…a week…Not very cool.

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A while ago (months), I had a very good friend tell me that there will come a time where you will become completely OK with being alone. I’d like to think that the time for that has come. And at the same time, opportunity has arisen. In my mind, it may be at a sort of standstill (right wording?), but maybe that’s for the best? Or is it even at this stand still at all? I don’t know, but I’ll just take it day by day and see what comes of it. After all, what else can you do?

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I wish I could just fast forward to this next semester of school starting. Not only am I already bored of this damn town again, but I am looking forward to running again. I am running right now of course, but what I mean is running on a team again. It’s a sense of community that I don’t think I can find anywhere else, and I miss it a lot. Not only that, but I miss all my friends from school. I missed my friends back home as well, and it is amazing seeing them all again, and a time that I really will cherish till the end again. I cannot wait to Wecht hard.

I miss my best friend…

I wish I could just know where I will be in the future…I hate wondering, and it is something that I often do at night when I cannot fall asleep. I just…I just want answers to questions that I’m not even sure make sense to me. At times I just wonder if I over think everything, hence ruining many old opportunities, but…But what?

I want to be able to forget about everything again. Not have to worry.

I’m trying to write it in words for y’all, but I really cannot come up with words for the kind of snoring my Father is doing right now…

What I don’t tend to over think is things that I wish I could help people through. What is there to over think? Someone needs help, and there should be no hesitation on anyone’s part. Right now, all I can think about is someone who I am incredibly proud of for taking the steps that they are.  Some journeys are tough, but I know that this one will had the ending that you’re seeking, and I’m going to be there for ya at each and every corner or it.

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More blogs will certainly be happening again, at the very least a weekly one, but hopefully more than that. I have missed this a lot, and I like the amount of thinking that they let me do. I firmly believe that writing stuff out is the best kind of…”therapy” that there is.

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Have a good night everyone, and I hope to see you again next time.

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