My place. To be…Me

Music of the Moment: Iron & Wine – Godless Brother In Love

I absolutely love this song and this is is outright beautiful. You should too.

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I find it absolutely amazing that I can work with people from literally all over the world. Sure, I have my job at Gamestop that let’s me deal with the locals (Yes, deal with the locals… Some of them are rather interesting…), but my real amazement comes from my freelance writing. I work with an editor from Argentina, another Editor from England, and two bosses from Israel. As far as I know, I am the only American writer for a website completely in English, and the fluency of my co-workers amazes me, mostly because they speak and writer better English than 90% of my friends. That really says something about their work ethic, and I really admire that.

More than that, I am one of two writers for Xbox Freedom, a site dealing solely with the Xbox 360. Well, I’m actually the only writer, really. There is one other writer who will occasionally put out one article a week, so really all of the articles are on me, and it’s amazing seeing a site go from nothing (my Editor and I restarted this site) to thousands and thousands of views a day (and I get excited when my blog get’s over 150 views!). I really am just amazed at how far a little bit of work can go. Sure, I could use a much higher pay for what I do, as I make quite littler compared to the standard, but I love doing it (usually). I wish money wasn’t part of the question, but it seems to always be.

I guess that leads us to topic two; I have no idea what my future holds, and that scares the hell out of me. On top of that, I miss my best friend more than words can express. To add onto that, my other best friend is constantly down on her luck recently with injury after injury after injury. I cannot help but feel terrible for her and wish I could do anything, but it seems that I cannot even figure out what to do for myself. When it comes to school, I have no idea most of the time. I really do not know where I’ll be this fall at this current moment. Again, I wish money wan’t part of the question, but it seems to always be. Then the question of (if I do end up back at Allegheny) whether or not I can afford to run XC. When I say afford, I mean physically afford to do it, as well as afford to do it in the sense that should I be working rather than running. I have already been told that I’ll be able to take my Gamestop job when I go to Allegheny (there is a Gamestop in town), but if I ran, I would only be able to work once a week at most, and that would be Sundays. Not exactly the most ideal thing…

I just have absolutely no idea what to do right now, and I hate not knowing what to do. I want to be successful as imaginable, but I’m starting to wonder if that will ever be possible for me at all… Maybe I’m not meant to be. Life seems to take a giant shit on me at times, and I never seem to be able to get out of a handful of them. Some good luck would go so far…

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I was fortunate enough to be invited (along with a few others) to help out at my high school’s XC camp this year, and day one was a blast. These kids have a lot of talent, and all those freshman are really going to do some work in the years to come. It’s really going to be awesome to see what they do this year, though. I think that a varsity spot will never be guaranteed for any of the guys, as every week it could be dynamically be changing. I’m excited.

My check for work didn’t go through today, so right now I have about $0.03 until my direct deposit goes through. Why would it have to not deposit on a Friday, because now my biggest concern is that it wont clear until Monday… I hate not having any money…

I’m still throwing up this “Vlog for a whole year” thing in my head, and I really want to do it, I just don’t know if I have the motivation or the means to do it. It takes time, time that I might not have? I don’t know, but I keep drifting back to the idea, and although my subconscious seems to be screaming at me to do it, I’m just not sure how right now…

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I need someone to love again. I miss that. I need a vacation. I’ve never had a vacation. I need money.

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